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About Varied / Hobbyist Official Beta Tester J.R.Parrish28/United States Group :icontyranids: Tyranids
Nothin' but 'Nids
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Things are not good. Things need to change.

Journal Entry: Thu Aug 14, 2014, 4:43 AM
I haven't written any stories in 2 years.
I haven't completed but maybe 3 or 5 pieces of art in the last 2 years.
Last night my best friend told me that it felt like we were never going to rp again.
(We do so irregular and more seldom as we ever used to.)

I realized that at that moment, that if my life were to continue to become that lacking in art and feeling of any progress at all as I inch closer to 30 years old, that I would probably find a discrete way to end my life by the time I reached that birthday.

Let me assure you, that consideration is not taken lightly, and it's been on my mind for years.
It's not a thing I have ever truly seen myself--the kind of stubborn person I am--ever doing.
But if I have no art, nothing to show that gives me my sense of individuality and self worth, that I may as well not exist.
But, I digress.

Sobbing at my desk over skype to my bff led to a conversation with mom that felt like, out of the countless times we've attempted to improve our motivation for anything at all in the household upkeep, that we may just have a chance.
My health is more horrible than it's ever been, worse than I ever thought it would get, and I need to fix it.

I also want, more than anything, to do art again. 
I have unstored the favorite pieces of my gallery.
I admittedly, do not like DA anymore due to the anxiety it brings me and the memories it has.
I'm trying to sweep old drama and stress under the rug for good and I'm too fucking old and sick of it to deal with it anymore. Having a blog on tumblr has been the most unnerving and frightening experience at times, as well rewarding...most the time. Thank goodness.

I can't promise that I'll submit art to DA again with any regularity any time soon, but I will ATTEMPT to do it once a week, if not once or twice a month. Bi-monthly sounds apt. 

Lastly, as I've said in past journals (now deleted for my sanity), I may not reply to things quickly... or at all.
As it's been for 6 months, I tend to check DA only once a week at most. I'll attempt to increase this.
There's over 5,555 deviations in my inbox I have to clean out... and I refuse to just delete them all. >_>;

  • Mood: Emotional
  • Watching: KurtJmac - Let's Play SpinTires
  • Playing: Flight Rising
  • Eating: Too many carbs for my health
  • Drinking: Coffee

Need to get some short stories (chapter like segments) out of my head. Can't pick which to aim for. Need direction. Halp. 

53%
9 deviants said Son of the Crimson Queen
41%
7 deviants said Immortal-Couple's Therapy
6%
1 deviant said Idk (THE LAME VOTE)

Comments


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:iconloserfacerochelle:
loserfacerochelle Featured By Owner May 10, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
wait wut. you... put everything in storage. wut.
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:iconjerepasaurus:
Jerepasaurus Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, temporarily. For my emotional health for the time being. It may only be another few weeks or a few months before I bring things out again. I haven't decided yet. It mainly has to do with the fact I'm currently only visiting DA a few times a week right now and that I'd like to continue trying to work on kicking depression a little more before I come back.
And when I do come back, I'm probably going to be culling a number of random watchers and people that I don't know so that I can feel a little more comfortable. 

I was planning to post a journal in the next few days to update and explain some of this, so keep an eye open for it. ♥
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:iconloserfacerochelle:
loserfacerochelle Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
I hope everything works out. Kick depressions butt!!
Reply
:iconvalravna:
Valravna Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
*lurkpoke*
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:iconsparkbearer:
sparkbearer Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Professional Photographer
Your webcam GIF is making me laugh. His sad little squishy cute face ;3;
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:iconjerepasaurus:
Jerepasaurus Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
He kind of reminded me of...me. :'D Just this awkward pudgy thing that wants to be something better some day. ♥
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:iconsparkbearer:
sparkbearer Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2014  Professional Photographer
LMAO AWWWW ahahahahahah
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:iconaxolotl-mafia:
Axolotl-mafia Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014
Thanks for the birthday cake pal! =D OM NOM NOM NOM NOM
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:iconjerepasaurus:
Jerepasaurus Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. XD ♥
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:iconaxolotl-mafia:
Axolotl-mafia Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014
:dance:
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:iconmateslaurentiu:
MatesLaurentiu Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for faving my tutorial, I hope you'll find it useful. :)
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:iconcrickatoo:
Crickatoo Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2013  Student Digital Artist
your webcam is perfect XD
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:iconcelestialmemories:
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:iconexcitedhiplz: :iconcuteheartz::iconhello1plz::iconhello2plz::iconcuteheartz:
You have been given a DeviantART Compliment!

I hope you have a fantastic day! :tighthug:

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:icongwennafran:
Gwennafran Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Boh! Just saying hi. 
Thanks a lot for the help. :D
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:iconbirthdays:
birthdays Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2013
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

It's December 2nd which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: ~KoudelkaW
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